Reflective thoughts

hmm... I haven't wrote anything much lately. But i'm planning to change that now... I've had so many thoughts lately about how life works. I'm struggling to sift through my mind to recover and decipher all my thoughts that I've had recently.

So many times, I have wanted something but not been bothered enough to do anything about it. What is it about me? Sometimes I feel like I can't be bothered to do anything about something that I really want... in fact, that's all the time. If only I had more motivation to do things, I could probably do really well. I think that the level of success someone has with something is relative to how badly they want to succeed with what ever it is. For example, a famous actor. When a famous actor first starts out, they would have had a very big passion for acting. With that passion, they would have became really good at acting, and enjoyed acting too. They didn't have to force themselves to do it, and they would have had an abundance of self-motivation to help them because they enjoyed it... I am talking about the inner fire that drives them on.

I was told something rather funny today. That my voice sounds like the type of voice a motivational speaker would have, and that I should be come a motivational speaker; I wasn't expecting that. I had never ever ever considered myself to be anything like a motivational speaker. I'm too quiet, I'm often shy, I don't have much to say, and I consider myself to be more of a listener than a speaker, even tho that is a character trait about myself that I don't like, but I have learnt to accept it because so far in all my years, I have found that fighting things about myself that I don't like doesn't get me anywhere.

I have learnt to accept that I am someone who is a "lone ranger". Often times, I prefer to be alone. And i didn't like this, and i used to try and fight it but it got me no where. No matter what I did, I still preferred to be alone... Don't get me wrong, I like being with ppl and doing things with other ppl, but I have trouble standing long periods of time around ppl. By long periods of time, I mean approximately 20 hours. As a person, I tend to look into things more and see them happening, rather than make them happen myself. This is another thing I don't like about myself and i have realised that I can't seem to change it.

As time goes on, from all the ideas that I have about how to live life better, I always come back to this one: "you just have to be yourself". Oh well. That's not the end of the world i spose.