Life is f**ked. Everything's f**ked. Things don't make sense. Not many things are logical in this world. One must think outside the square to solve the problems they can not solve. Sometimes ppl do horrible things to you intentionally, and sometimes people do horrible things to you unintentionally.
Everything is about balance: when someone dies, someone is born. Everything has an equal and opposite reaction. What goes up, comes down. For everything and every action, there are consequences.
However, sometimes we are not aware of every action we take... we may do something without being aware of it... we may not be able to help not doing it. And meanwhile, no one can tell for certain what someone else is thinking of what we have done. Sometimes it's easier just to say "I don't care what other people think." But do we really mean it? Maybe we're just covering insecurities we'd rather not remain aware of. Perhaps its better to know what other people are thinking so we can take the proper actions for it. Because it's troubling when someone who's meant to be close to you can't even talk to you about the things that are really troubling them... because you are the one that's troubling them! ... unfortunately, I see this happening rather often and it goes against logic... I often see this in relationships. And we talk about people behind their backs. It is so strange. However it is disrespecting to talk about someone to someone else while standing in front of the very person you are talking about.
Sometimes people appear very different to how they are actually feeling. Sometimes someone may look like they know what they're doing but in reality they have absolutely no idea what they are doing... or why they're doing it. Someone may look strong and in control, but deep down they are insecure and don't know what to do. Appearances can be deceptive.
FEAR! Why do we fear things? I believe it is something programmed into our minds to help us survive. Because in the caveman days, fear was very important. It was what kept you alert and on your toes; it was what told you to run when you faced imminent danger. What i'm saying is that fear is a body defense mechansim designed to keep you out of danger. And yet people strive to get rid of fear because they do not like being afraid. Also, we fear the things we can not explain. So occasionally we try to come up with explanations to explain things we would otherwise fear. For example, if ghosts exist, why should people fear them? Simply because we can not explain the existence of a ghost? yet there is nothing more to suggest that a ghost couldn't hurt us anymore than a normal human could. Maybe less.
Another thing that I find is that the more of something I have, the more I want it. Such as I've had a lot of time recently but I've always felt like I havn't had enough time and I always want more time. And I also find the more junk food I eat the more junk food I want to eat.
But I'm thinking too much at the moment so I'll just stop now and just carry on living my tiny insignificant life like a tiny insignificant dot in this gigantic universe.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Sunday, October 30, 2005
The cliff.
I can still remember a dream I had a recent night ago. It was an interesting dream and a bit freaky tho I've described it to a couple of people, and before then I didn't realise how symbolic it could have been. But on a sidenote, I consiously remember hearing about this myth where if you dream that you hit the ground, then you die in your sleep. I've always wondered if I'd dare try to dream that in my sleep.
Well in my dream I was on a cliff. The sky was purple and the cliff was orange. The cliff was vertical and I was near the top of the cliff. But below me was a very big drop to the ground. I think it was about a 1000 km drop below me. I would keep looking down and I would see clouds and then about 500 km down I would see seagulls. And at the very bottom of the cliff there was a small river. As I was near the top of the cliff, I could feel a light wind whistling past my ears and begin to freeze them. I wanted to turn back and stand on the ground again but I couldn't because I was too far up the cliff and because having came this far it wouldn't be right to just turn back. Anyway about 1000 km up, I was near the top of the cliff and only holding on with my bare hands: no safety line and no one to catch me if I fell... but I was dead scared of falling and very afraid. In my dream I felt like my own hands and determination to reach the top of the cliff were the only things stopping me from a 1000 km drop and a horrible death. And to me that was very scary.
Anyway my purpose for climbing this cliff was to reach these little caves situated near the top of the cliff and to retreive these little purple diamond rods that were stuck to the inside walls of these caves. So eventually I reached these caves and I pulled myself up into them while always too aware of the big drop below me. I grabbed the diamond rods and rested in the cave for a while, not wanting to climb the rest of this cliff.
Eventually I climbed out of the caves to climb the rest of the way. But now I was even more scared because now the cliff overhung at a 45 degree angle... so I would have to climb out at 45 degrees while overhanging this 1000 km drop below me with no safety equipment.
Anyway I reached the top of the cliff and pulled myself up onto the top while still very aware of the big drop below me. I wondered about how ironic it would be if I climbed all this way and then fell just before I got to the top.
But I pulled myself up and I remember feeling very relieved. Then this lady appeared. She was caucasian, and had orange hair, freckles, glasses and she wore a white lab coat. I was about 15 cm taller than her. But she said "ah I see you got the diamonds back. Well done Sam. A+." Then I remembered that I was a student climbing this scary cliff like many other students had to do. And one of the reasons why I was so pressured to climb this cliff was that if I failed/fell, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do something other people could do... and then I would wonder if I truely tried my hardest.
The dream was almost like a nightmare because I was so afraid of falling yet pressured to go on. However it isn't how I would have imagined a nightmare to look like. This dream seems rather easy to interpret (i.e. the cliff was life) yet the "apparent" symbolism seems too easy to figure out. I think it's more complex than that.
Well in my dream I was on a cliff. The sky was purple and the cliff was orange. The cliff was vertical and I was near the top of the cliff. But below me was a very big drop to the ground. I think it was about a 1000 km drop below me. I would keep looking down and I would see clouds and then about 500 km down I would see seagulls. And at the very bottom of the cliff there was a small river. As I was near the top of the cliff, I could feel a light wind whistling past my ears and begin to freeze them. I wanted to turn back and stand on the ground again but I couldn't because I was too far up the cliff and because having came this far it wouldn't be right to just turn back. Anyway about 1000 km up, I was near the top of the cliff and only holding on with my bare hands: no safety line and no one to catch me if I fell... but I was dead scared of falling and very afraid. In my dream I felt like my own hands and determination to reach the top of the cliff were the only things stopping me from a 1000 km drop and a horrible death. And to me that was very scary.
Anyway my purpose for climbing this cliff was to reach these little caves situated near the top of the cliff and to retreive these little purple diamond rods that were stuck to the inside walls of these caves. So eventually I reached these caves and I pulled myself up into them while always too aware of the big drop below me. I grabbed the diamond rods and rested in the cave for a while, not wanting to climb the rest of this cliff.
Eventually I climbed out of the caves to climb the rest of the way. But now I was even more scared because now the cliff overhung at a 45 degree angle... so I would have to climb out at 45 degrees while overhanging this 1000 km drop below me with no safety equipment.
Anyway I reached the top of the cliff and pulled myself up onto the top while still very aware of the big drop below me. I wondered about how ironic it would be if I climbed all this way and then fell just before I got to the top.
But I pulled myself up and I remember feeling very relieved. Then this lady appeared. She was caucasian, and had orange hair, freckles, glasses and she wore a white lab coat. I was about 15 cm taller than her. But she said "ah I see you got the diamonds back. Well done Sam. A+." Then I remembered that I was a student climbing this scary cliff like many other students had to do. And one of the reasons why I was so pressured to climb this cliff was that if I failed/fell, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do something other people could do... and then I would wonder if I truely tried my hardest.
The dream was almost like a nightmare because I was so afraid of falling yet pressured to go on. However it isn't how I would have imagined a nightmare to look like. This dream seems rather easy to interpret (i.e. the cliff was life) yet the "apparent" symbolism seems too easy to figure out. I think it's more complex than that.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
A very musical conversation
I was having a conversation with Phil the other day. It was funny... in a silly way.
We were discussing what bands fit different types of genres.
"hey Sam, do you know what sort of band the Offspring are?" said Phil.
"Um, i think... ." I paused for a while so I could carefully think about my answer."They'd be rock!"
"Nope!" Phil said."They're punk!"
"So then that makes them punk-rock! I exclaimed
Phil grinned. "Noooo, they're just punk!" he said.
Then being my neutral orientated old self I said "Well if we say they're punk-rock, then we can both be right!"
"No!" said Phil, "...Ok then, do you know what sort of band Linkin Park is?" Phil asked me.
"Oh, that's obvious. They're alternative!"
"Nope. They're..."
I quickly interrupted Phil to say my explanation. "Well Linkin Park is alternative because it's 'alternatively' NOT what "adults" prefer.(Ha ha ha) *I quietly laugh at my joke under my breath* "I don't think my parents would prefer Linkin Park at least."
"Hmm, yea..."
I can't remember what exactly happened after that. But a point i'm trying to say is that it's hard to classify what sort of music a band plays. Such as later in the conversation, we started talking about System of a Down and how it is the hardest band to classify since it plays a variety of different sorts of music. Same goes with Greenday. Greenday plays a wide variety of music as well and was even accused (by some magazine I think it was) of falling away from its punk image.
I think i'm more likely to like a band if they play a wide variety of music.
We were discussing what bands fit different types of genres.
"hey Sam, do you know what sort of band the Offspring are?" said Phil.
"Um, i think... ." I paused for a while so I could carefully think about my answer."They'd be rock!"
"Nope!" Phil said."They're punk!"
"So then that makes them punk-rock! I exclaimed
Phil grinned. "Noooo, they're just punk!" he said.
Then being my neutral orientated old self I said "Well if we say they're punk-rock, then we can both be right!"
"No!" said Phil, "...Ok then, do you know what sort of band Linkin Park is?" Phil asked me.
"Oh, that's obvious. They're alternative!"
"Nope. They're..."
I quickly interrupted Phil to say my explanation. "Well Linkin Park is alternative because it's 'alternatively' NOT what "adults" prefer.(Ha ha ha) *I quietly laugh at my joke under my breath* "I don't think my parents would prefer Linkin Park at least."
"Hmm, yea..."
I can't remember what exactly happened after that. But a point i'm trying to say is that it's hard to classify what sort of music a band plays. Such as later in the conversation, we started talking about System of a Down and how it is the hardest band to classify since it plays a variety of different sorts of music. Same goes with Greenday. Greenday plays a wide variety of music as well and was even accused (by some magazine I think it was) of falling away from its punk image.
I think i'm more likely to like a band if they play a wide variety of music.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Job Searching
Well I have to make this a quick post now. I.E. I have to write this post in about 10 minutes since I have to get up early tomorrow (hehe, say... 10am) and look for a job again.
But here's a little story about when I was looking for a job today.
I was searching for a job in the Hutt News when I found a job search agency *which will go un-named* . I rung them up on the phone and a nice female computer voice answered the phone. It said:
"You have reached *insert job agency name here*. To find out about permanent jobs, visit our website at *.........*. For temporary jobs, press 1 now. For the Minister of Justice collection officers, press 2 now. For the Minsiter of justice, press 3 now"
At this moment I became very confused. "I don't want a bloody government department. I just want to enrol at this job agency... maybe I've got the wrong number..." So I hung up.
Eventually, I decided that I would press 1 when I rung the job agency up again. I went through all of the "You have reached *insert job agency name here*. To find out about permanent jobs visit our..." and then i pressed 1 as I planned.
But then to my dismay, there was another stage to go through. Then the pleasant computer voice said in its usual cheerful tone: "Press 1 now for heavy truck driving jobs. Press 2 now for factory and labour jobs. Press 3 now for office and administration jobs. Press 4 now for hospitality and restaurant jobs. Press 5 now for computer programming and database jobs now." Again, I became confused... because I wanted jobs from both 2 and 4. I couldn't decide which number to press. So I hung up again.
After minutes of pondering whether I should press 2 or 4, I decided that i would press 2. So I rung the job agency up again, and once more I got the nice cheerful female computer voice which said *again* "You have reached *insert job agency name here*. To find out about permanent jobs visit our..." where I again pressed 1. Then I got up to the next part which again said "Press 1 now for heavy truck driving jobs. Press 2 now for..." where i pressed 2 as I had planned!
When I pressed two, i thought that was going to be the last time I would hear the cheeful computer voice... I was wrong. The computer voice then told me about how much I could expect to be paid for a job in that industry (which ever industry it was. I had forgotten what industry I was applying for by that time) and a whole lot of other stuff as well that i can't remember.
And then, to my absolute horror, I discovered that I would have to record my personal details and contact details as the 'kind' computer voice prompted me to, and that a phone operator would listen to the recording later and get my details.
Well my first thoughts were "screw that!" and I hung up the phone.
I'm surprised they didn't tell me "your call is important to us."
There is something about talking to a computer voice that sounds invalid and unofficial. Maybe i'll be able to make myself bothered to try again tomorrow;)
But here's a little story about when I was looking for a job today.
I was searching for a job in the Hutt News when I found a job search agency *which will go un-named* . I rung them up on the phone and a nice female computer voice answered the phone. It said:
"You have reached *insert job agency name here*. To find out about permanent jobs, visit our website at *.........*. For temporary jobs, press 1 now. For the Minister of Justice collection officers, press 2 now. For the Minsiter of justice, press 3 now"
At this moment I became very confused. "I don't want a bloody government department. I just want to enrol at this job agency... maybe I've got the wrong number..." So I hung up.
Eventually, I decided that I would press 1 when I rung the job agency up again. I went through all of the "You have reached *insert job agency name here*. To find out about permanent jobs visit our..." and then i pressed 1 as I planned.
But then to my dismay, there was another stage to go through. Then the pleasant computer voice said in its usual cheerful tone: "Press 1 now for heavy truck driving jobs. Press 2 now for factory and labour jobs. Press 3 now for office and administration jobs. Press 4 now for hospitality and restaurant jobs. Press 5 now for computer programming and database jobs now." Again, I became confused... because I wanted jobs from both 2 and 4. I couldn't decide which number to press. So I hung up again.
After minutes of pondering whether I should press 2 or 4, I decided that i would press 2. So I rung the job agency up again, and once more I got the nice cheerful female computer voice which said *again* "You have reached *insert job agency name here*. To find out about permanent jobs visit our..." where I again pressed 1. Then I got up to the next part which again said "Press 1 now for heavy truck driving jobs. Press 2 now for..." where i pressed 2 as I had planned!
When I pressed two, i thought that was going to be the last time I would hear the cheeful computer voice... I was wrong. The computer voice then told me about how much I could expect to be paid for a job in that industry (which ever industry it was. I had forgotten what industry I was applying for by that time) and a whole lot of other stuff as well that i can't remember.
And then, to my absolute horror, I discovered that I would have to record my personal details and contact details as the 'kind' computer voice prompted me to, and that a phone operator would listen to the recording later and get my details.
Well my first thoughts were "screw that!" and I hung up the phone.
I'm surprised they didn't tell me "your call is important to us."
There is something about talking to a computer voice that sounds invalid and unofficial. Maybe i'll be able to make myself bothered to try again tomorrow;)
Saturday, October 22, 2005
POP-UPS
POP-UPS: they're everywhere on the internet. Yet they are rather annoying. In terms of economics, pop-ups have a "negative demand". Don't the really smart people who make the pop-ups know that!? And besides, no-one believes what pop-ups say anyway! In most people's minds, including mine, they are just another chance to download more adware, or trojans, or useless internet stuff that does nothing.
A few times I got a pop-up that said something along the lines of "CONGRATUALTIONS, YOU'RE ARE THE 1,000,000th visitor to this site. Now you may recieve the grand prize of a free cruise ship tour to the Bahammas. All you have to do is ring this number!!!" I thought about ringing the number but then I realised that it was most likely MERELY A SCAM! Where if you rung up, $100 in toll call fees would be charged to your phone account and you wouldn't even be able to get through to anyone. That's just my guess, I haven't tried it.
It's funny how pop-ups always advertise for things like online gambling, casinos, virus scanners, spyware scanners, adult sites, green cards to the United States, online dating or even smiley face downloads. Pop-ups never advertise for other things that don't sound so dodgey! But then i spose, anything that a pop-up advertises has got to be dodgey!
I love the pop-ups that say "your computer may contain unwanted adware or spyware. Download this for protection". Well to answer that... OF COURSE YOUR COMPUTER HAS UNWANTED ADWARE OR SPYWARE otherwise you wouldn't be getting that pop-up!
And then the "pop-up blockers". I find they're not able to block many of the pop-ups. And I've tried hopelessly to delete the adware that is making the pop-ups but often times I can't figure out what files are making the pop-ups. And the adware scanners don't seem to pick them up. Plus you get the pop-ups back again when you start surfing the internet again anyway!
Who makes these pop-ups!? Why do they make them? Is it because they want to annoy everyone or just because it's a cheaper form of advertising? Well I don't trust anything that a pop-up says! I wouldn't do anything that a pop-up says to do either.
A few times I got a pop-up that said something along the lines of "CONGRATUALTIONS, YOU'RE ARE THE 1,000,000th visitor to this site. Now you may recieve the grand prize of a free cruise ship tour to the Bahammas. All you have to do is ring this number!!!" I thought about ringing the number but then I realised that it was most likely MERELY A SCAM! Where if you rung up, $100 in toll call fees would be charged to your phone account and you wouldn't even be able to get through to anyone. That's just my guess, I haven't tried it.
It's funny how pop-ups always advertise for things like online gambling, casinos, virus scanners, spyware scanners, adult sites, green cards to the United States, online dating or even smiley face downloads. Pop-ups never advertise for other things that don't sound so dodgey! But then i spose, anything that a pop-up advertises has got to be dodgey!
I love the pop-ups that say "your computer may contain unwanted adware or spyware. Download this for protection". Well to answer that... OF COURSE YOUR COMPUTER HAS UNWANTED ADWARE OR SPYWARE otherwise you wouldn't be getting that pop-up!
And then the "pop-up blockers". I find they're not able to block many of the pop-ups. And I've tried hopelessly to delete the adware that is making the pop-ups but often times I can't figure out what files are making the pop-ups. And the adware scanners don't seem to pick them up. Plus you get the pop-ups back again when you start surfing the internet again anyway!
Who makes these pop-ups!? Why do they make them? Is it because they want to annoy everyone or just because it's a cheaper form of advertising? Well I don't trust anything that a pop-up says! I wouldn't do anything that a pop-up says to do either.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Fun list of things to do during the Summer!
Well my exams are over now but that's besides whether I passed them or not;) I'm just glad they're over cos now I can get onto my "fun list of things to do during the Summer!!!":P
Last night (the date was 18/10/05) I went to another marketing survey thing where i got paid $50 for saying what i thought and contributing to a group discussion on the sale of alcohol. (Basically I get paid for saying what I think, lol. Now that's a dream job!:P) Anyway, all that talk made me decide that I want to make and prepare pure ETHANOL(that's the chemical name for alcohol) at home!
So, I added that onto my "list of fun things to do during the Summer" which so far now consists of:
- Make ethanol at home
-Jump of Eastborne wharf
-Go yachting
-Go jet skiing
-Go to Big Day Out
-Get better at guitar
-Eat half a "family meal deal" at McDonald's (Half a family meal deal consists of one large drink, one medium drink, one large fries, one medium fires, one big mac, one cheese burger and two deserts... i think, However someone may correct me on that;) )
-Start a part-time business, hehe
That's all i can think of at the moment. But ill see how realistic this list is at the end of Summer.
Last night (the date was 18/10/05) I went to another marketing survey thing where i got paid $50 for saying what i thought and contributing to a group discussion on the sale of alcohol. (Basically I get paid for saying what I think, lol. Now that's a dream job!:P) Anyway, all that talk made me decide that I want to make and prepare pure ETHANOL(that's the chemical name for alcohol) at home!
So, I added that onto my "list of fun things to do during the Summer" which so far now consists of:
- Make ethanol at home
-Jump of Eastborne wharf
-Go yachting
-Go jet skiing
-Go to Big Day Out
-Get better at guitar
-Eat half a "family meal deal" at McDonald's (Half a family meal deal consists of one large drink, one medium drink, one large fries, one medium fires, one big mac, one cheese burger and two deserts... i think, However someone may correct me on that;) )
-Start a part-time business, hehe
That's all i can think of at the moment. But ill see how realistic this list is at the end of Summer.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Tests/exams
Here I am. Again. Writing a post. Again. Sitting at the computer listening to music. Again. Scrambling my brain staring at the computer screen. Again. And u get the point.
I've got exams coming up (again). But it's not like I've never done an exam before. Nope! The whole business to do with exams started way back in primary school.. I remember sitting my first ever test. Believe it or not, but in primary school, I actually found sitting tests to be fun because I could see how well I was doing, and I could look forward to the excitment of getting a test result back (good or bad). However, that was before I knew that tests/exams count towards important aspects of your academic record. That was also why I enjoyed tests cos it gave me time to get lost in my own thoughts and I would just finish the test questions off at the last minute. Hense why I often didn't do very well in tests at primary school.
But in secondary school, well that was when tests/exams started to become annoying for various reasons that i don't feel like mentioning lol.
Anyway... exams to me are hard to study for since studying is so hard to do when there are so many things happening around you (that are a bit more interesting)
So... Today I didn't play guitar until 6:00pm tonight. That's quite a good record for me. Usually it'd be one of the first things I do after I get out of bed (that's apart from the days where I have university) The thing I've been trying to work on the most is creating solos where the notes fit together. But that's relatively easy. The hard bit is finding something that sounds good! So far I've learnt the major scale, blues scale and Dorian scale patterns for on the fretboard. I'll get there eventually but sometimes I wonder of perhaps I should have taken a Music degree instead of a Conjoint Science and Commerce degree. However I don't think I want to abandon chemistry and I want to know the "commerce stuff" for the outside world.
I've got exams coming up (again). But it's not like I've never done an exam before. Nope! The whole business to do with exams started way back in primary school.. I remember sitting my first ever test. Believe it or not, but in primary school, I actually found sitting tests to be fun because I could see how well I was doing, and I could look forward to the excitment of getting a test result back (good or bad). However, that was before I knew that tests/exams count towards important aspects of your academic record. That was also why I enjoyed tests cos it gave me time to get lost in my own thoughts and I would just finish the test questions off at the last minute. Hense why I often didn't do very well in tests at primary school.
But in secondary school, well that was when tests/exams started to become annoying for various reasons that i don't feel like mentioning lol.
Anyway... exams to me are hard to study for since studying is so hard to do when there are so many things happening around you (that are a bit more interesting)
So... Today I didn't play guitar until 6:00pm tonight. That's quite a good record for me. Usually it'd be one of the first things I do after I get out of bed (that's apart from the days where I have university) The thing I've been trying to work on the most is creating solos where the notes fit together. But that's relatively easy. The hard bit is finding something that sounds good! So far I've learnt the major scale, blues scale and Dorian scale patterns for on the fretboard. I'll get there eventually but sometimes I wonder of perhaps I should have taken a Music degree instead of a Conjoint Science and Commerce degree. However I don't think I want to abandon chemistry and I want to know the "commerce stuff" for the outside world.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
LIFE IS REPETITIVE!
Sometimes life feels so repetitive. Our lives are made up of seconds which make up mintues which make up hours which make up days which make up weeks which make up years which make up decades which make up centuries, and by the time a century arrives, ur probably dead already.
And when you die, i can imagine some greater entity (maybe god/(a) god, if he/she/one exists) telling you "oops, your life has slipped by already. Too bad."
I feel like im not old enough to do anything great yet, so I just live in my own tedious little world (I like to call it 'cycling') where I just cycle between guitar, university, study, tv, sleep, guitar, tv, university, study, sleep, with the occasional "party/social get-together with friends" in between. And all this makes up my week (which makes up most of my year, which could make up a decade, which could easily start making up my life).
But maybe i'm being pessimistic about saying that this is what i'll do until i'm dead. Well this is what il be doing, except over the years there will be small variations in my 'cycle'.
It's possible that in a few years, my cycle will start going like this: "guitar, job, tv, sleep, guitar, job, tv, sleep, AGAIN with the occasional 'party/social get-together with friends" in between."
And then a few more years later:
"guitar, job, look after kids, tv, sleep, guitar, job, look after kids, tv, sleep, with the occasional 'social get-together with friends" in between." But probably no more things quite resembling a 'part-tay' because I will be too old :(
And in my mind, a week would usually pass like this:
Monday -"hmm, a Monday. Well time to start a new week. This time i'm going to try harder. But isn't there a good movie on tonight?"
Tuesday- "Ah yes, another day. I wonder what's on tv tonight. I can't wait till Wednesday cos then it will be half way through the week and closer to Friday."
Wednesday- Ah Ha!. I've survived through Monday and Tuesday. Time for a beer.
Thursday- So close to a Friday. On Friday i'l be able to relax.
Friday- I'l just get through the day and then I can relax and drink and maybe go to the movies and I can look forward to the day off tomorrow.
Saturday- I either do nothing or i go do something with friends
Sunday- Aww the end of a week-end and time to go back to working/university tomorrow.
And then it's MONDAY again! WooOOO HHoooOO
I'm not complaining or anything. I'm just simply saying LIFE IS RATHER TEDIOUS!
BUT, i suspect deep down in my mind, I like life to be tedious for some reason. And a funny thing is I DON'T LIKE the fact that I possibly LIKE life being tedious.
I know another change I can look forward to in my 'cycle'! And that is becoming a part of the "rat race". In other words becoming a part of the work force.(In no way do I want to be on the dole either. I think you should only be on the dole if your disabled from working, or if your really old;) )" But every time I catch the train to Wellington (or when I catch the train back from Wellington) I see everyone (probably hundreds of people) rushing to catch the train. And all these people are either wearing black suits, rain coats, fancy jackets, or in other words, typical office clothing. They are a part of the work force and trapped in the "rat race", I keep thinking of them as sheep being hearded or a bunch of mindless zombies. And I know that i'm getting sucked into the rat race and I'm strugglin to find a way to get out. One of my solutions has been to try start a business (could be by a partnership;) ) which could help stop me from becoming just another "suit" :( (Not just me. I think there are other ways other ppl could get out of the so called rat race as well.)
And that's another thing. Why is life full of so many paradoxes!
(I've written enough now. Paradoxes are another topic)
And when you die, i can imagine some greater entity (maybe god/(a) god, if he/she/one exists) telling you "oops, your life has slipped by already. Too bad."
I feel like im not old enough to do anything great yet, so I just live in my own tedious little world (I like to call it 'cycling') where I just cycle between guitar, university, study, tv, sleep, guitar, tv, university, study, sleep, with the occasional "party/social get-together with friends" in between. And all this makes up my week (which makes up most of my year, which could make up a decade, which could easily start making up my life).
But maybe i'm being pessimistic about saying that this is what i'll do until i'm dead. Well this is what il be doing, except over the years there will be small variations in my 'cycle'.
It's possible that in a few years, my cycle will start going like this: "guitar, job, tv, sleep, guitar, job, tv, sleep, AGAIN with the occasional 'party/social get-together with friends" in between."
And then a few more years later:
"guitar, job, look after kids, tv, sleep, guitar, job, look after kids, tv, sleep, with the occasional 'social get-together with friends" in between." But probably no more things quite resembling a 'part-tay' because I will be too old :(
And in my mind, a week would usually pass like this:
Monday -"hmm, a Monday. Well time to start a new week. This time i'm going to try harder. But isn't there a good movie on tonight?"
Tuesday- "Ah yes, another day. I wonder what's on tv tonight. I can't wait till Wednesday cos then it will be half way through the week and closer to Friday."
Wednesday- Ah Ha!. I've survived through Monday and Tuesday. Time for a beer.
Thursday- So close to a Friday. On Friday i'l be able to relax.
Friday- I'l just get through the day and then I can relax and drink and maybe go to the movies and I can look forward to the day off tomorrow.
Saturday- I either do nothing or i go do something with friends
Sunday- Aww the end of a week-end and time to go back to working/university tomorrow.
And then it's MONDAY again! WooOOO HHoooOO
I'm not complaining or anything. I'm just simply saying LIFE IS RATHER TEDIOUS!
BUT, i suspect deep down in my mind, I like life to be tedious for some reason. And a funny thing is I DON'T LIKE the fact that I possibly LIKE life being tedious.
I know another change I can look forward to in my 'cycle'! And that is becoming a part of the "rat race". In other words becoming a part of the work force.(In no way do I want to be on the dole either. I think you should only be on the dole if your disabled from working, or if your really old;) )" But every time I catch the train to Wellington (or when I catch the train back from Wellington) I see everyone (probably hundreds of people) rushing to catch the train. And all these people are either wearing black suits, rain coats, fancy jackets, or in other words, typical office clothing. They are a part of the work force and trapped in the "rat race", I keep thinking of them as sheep being hearded or a bunch of mindless zombies. And I know that i'm getting sucked into the rat race and I'm strugglin to find a way to get out. One of my solutions has been to try start a business (could be by a partnership;) ) which could help stop me from becoming just another "suit" :( (Not just me. I think there are other ways other ppl could get out of the so called rat race as well.)
And that's another thing. Why is life full of so many paradoxes!
(I've written enough now. Paradoxes are another topic)
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
M.I.B. S.O.P.H.I.E.
I saw a white van today that had M.I.B. written in black on it. Then I thought: "so the Men In Black" are REAL!!!!" But then I realised... No one had flashed me afterwards... lol
Anyway, my dad came back from London today after being away for ten days. I can tell he spent a lot of time in book shops cos he's given us a lot of books as "coming-home presents" (as I will call them). Still, I know im really spoilt and i wasnt expecting anything anyway, but the books are really faccinating to read. (One of them was about how to speak Latin.)
And Sophie (she's my dog)... she's been ok. However Kim and I have made up a new nickname for her: RATBAG!. Yep, Sophie is a ratbag!.
Things she does that bring her this name:
-Sits on the sofa when she's not allowed to be on the sofas. I often used to say to her really loudly "SOPHIE, OFF SOFA!" but apparently she gets confused between her name, Sophie, and sofa. So now i just say "OFF SOFA!"
-She still occasionally goes toilet on the carpet. In which case we say "BAD DOG. BAD DOG. OUTSIDE!" And then we put her outside to try teach her that there are consequences to her actions, and (last but not least) to not piss/poo on the carpet.Sometimes it seems like she prefers to piss inside on the carpet.
- She still likes to chew on shoes or what ever she can get her paws/mouth on. The other day she got into a bag of icing sugar and smeared it all over the kitchen floor. We vacuumed it up and it was funny cos she started barking at the vacuum cleaner. It appeared as tho she was sad to see her supply of icing sugar disappear.
And now Sophie seems to be learning how to push doors open. This is very worrying since it diminishes our only line of defense for our precious shoes and clothing lying on the ground in our bedrooms.
Anyhow, Sophie is quite a funny dog. The funniest thing she does is when you are doing something, she sits on the ground in front of you, tilts her head sideways and stares at you confusingly. When she does this to me, it makes me feel like i have to do something interesting to entertain her.
Anyway, my dad came back from London today after being away for ten days. I can tell he spent a lot of time in book shops cos he's given us a lot of books as "coming-home presents" (as I will call them). Still, I know im really spoilt and i wasnt expecting anything anyway, but the books are really faccinating to read. (One of them was about how to speak Latin.)
And Sophie (she's my dog)... she's been ok. However Kim and I have made up a new nickname for her: RATBAG!. Yep, Sophie is a ratbag!.
Things she does that bring her this name:
-Sits on the sofa when she's not allowed to be on the sofas. I often used to say to her really loudly "SOPHIE, OFF SOFA!" but apparently she gets confused between her name, Sophie, and sofa. So now i just say "OFF SOFA!"
-She still occasionally goes toilet on the carpet. In which case we say "BAD DOG. BAD DOG. OUTSIDE!" And then we put her outside to try teach her that there are consequences to her actions, and (last but not least) to not piss/poo on the carpet.Sometimes it seems like she prefers to piss inside on the carpet.
- She still likes to chew on shoes or what ever she can get her paws/mouth on. The other day she got into a bag of icing sugar and smeared it all over the kitchen floor. We vacuumed it up and it was funny cos she started barking at the vacuum cleaner. It appeared as tho she was sad to see her supply of icing sugar disappear.
And now Sophie seems to be learning how to push doors open. This is very worrying since it diminishes our only line of defense for our precious shoes and clothing lying on the ground in our bedrooms.
Anyhow, Sophie is quite a funny dog. The funniest thing she does is when you are doing something, she sits on the ground in front of you, tilts her head sideways and stares at you confusingly. When she does this to me, it makes me feel like i have to do something interesting to entertain her.
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